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B'siyata d'shmaya - With the help of Heaven

 

How to React When We Are Wronged

HaRav Nissim Behar zt"l of Turkey 5719/1959
from his La Práctica del Judaísmo (Ladino)

1. If our fellow man has injured us, offended us, or done us some sort of wrong, rather than bear a grudge or take vengeance, we should adopt an attitude of forgiveness, and we should realize that the other person is but an envoy sent by Heaven, to help us atone for our sins. If he asks for forgiveness, we must certainly grant it. Even if he is shameless and does not come to make peace, we must be forebearing and patient.

2. There are various levels of vengeance, and all are prohibited. For example, it is forbidden to harm someone physically, in revenge for his harming you. In addition, if we refuse to do someone a favor because he refused to do us a favor, this, too, is revenge, and it is prohibited. Also, it is forbidden to bear a grudge. For example, if a person has refused us a favor in the past, and he now comes to ask a favor for himself, we cannot think, and certainly we cannot bay, "I'll do you the favor, even though you refused me". In sum, we must forgive and forget because G-d wants us to love and respect one another.2 If we learn to be forgiving, we will be much happier, in this world and the next. and G-d will be even more inclined to act forgivingly towards us."


I . Tana Debei Elliyahu Rabba, 26.
2. Ir Miklat, Me'am Lo'ez.
3. Sefer Horev, Rav Shamshon Rafael Hirsch, p. 63.


These remarks are with the endorsement of the (former) Hahambashi, HaRav Raphael E. Saban zt"l and the endorsement of the Beit Din of Turkey. These are based on the Sephardic tradition from Turkey, handed down to us from Castile, Spain.

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